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Thistle plans for new stadium

Due to the success of the Banbridge Thistle side this year and their almost certain rise into the third division the club has revealed plans for a new stadium. The stadium will incorporate four stands as well as a state of the art training centre. The plans are laid out below.

The stands will be named as shown :>

North Stand - The John Campbell and Paul Dunlop Stand - This will be named as shown due to the fact that any time the ball ends up in it you can bet your life one of these two will have kicked it.

South Stand - The Jimmy Lockhart (can't) Stand (after four pints)

East Stand - The Barrie Jordan Stand - Because this is where I would have been standing if I had not moved club.

West Stand - The Craig Stand - This stand will be split into two tiers.

Lower tier - The philip Craig stand - because it will always be full to bursting

Upper tier - The Greg Craig stand - Because it will be slightly unstable

As yet a name for the new stadium hasn't been decided but going by past experiences the stadium will probably be named "Captain Pugwash's Stadium Of Everlasting Hope" before being changed a year later by popular demand to Thitle Park

Mulder and Scully investigate the mystery that is the Selection Commitee

Famous FBI agents Mulder and Scully have been called in to investigate the X-File that is the selection committee.Problems have arisen with this selection scheme because nobody actually knows actually knows who is in it and nobody will claim to be in it.The committee has been described as some as a bizarre cult which only let's in the most twisted of people (that would explain some of the decisions) others say that there is no such group and that selection takes care of itself.Who knows what will come of this investigation but one thing is for sure the truth is out there.

Thistle Seconds Under Investigation

Thistle Seconds manager Paul Dunlop has been rocked by suggestions that his team is trying to intimidate other teams through their line up. In the past few weeks many have accused Dunlop of being a racist as he continues to play the KKK connection in midfield.When asked Dunlop refused to comment on the decision to name Clive Kerrigan, Geordie Kidd and Kyle Trimble. Many people in the town believe that Dunlop wishes to sound out a warning before the kick off by this careless team selection.Maybe that is true or perhaps it is just a coincidence.