It has today been revealed that Banbridge Thistle manager
Harry Shannon has been linked with the current vacant
Wednesday job.Players are believed to be worried that if
Harry was to take this job it would leave them in the lurch.
A club official today said "Harry already works 5 days a week
and we believe that if he takes the job he won't have the time
to manage us.We are trying to talk him out of the position but the
£3.50 an hour shelf filling position on wednesday nights looks set
to tempt the manager away".
Banbridge Thistle can owe their success to a series of wishes
made in the new wishing well in Jim Lockhart's garden or at least
those are the claims the former manager is making.Lockhart who many
believe is jealous of current manager Harry Shannon's success claims
that he has been woke at all hours of the morning by teammates using
his garden not only as a toilet but also as a some kind of lucky
charm.He claims that his wishing well has attracted many visitors
and he says that he has seen both Shannon and Dunlop the second team
manager trying their luck (obviously Paul Dunlop through down an Irish
coin).Lockhart quoted "My well has now been opened to the public all
donations will go towards building a spaceship to reunite Lombardo
with his family after a bid to surprise surprise failed".Other wishes
at the well saw Paul Dunlop wishing for a win,John Campbell wishing
for a right foot and new heavier footballs which don't float over the
bar to be introduced,Philip Craig wishing for Mitch's club dues and
Damian Wilson wishing for a plate of pork chops.
In the recent derby match at Cheney park against Banbridge Crusaders
the football world was shocked as John Campbell brought the game to a
halt after recieving a toe job.Campbell recieved the broken toe after
mistaking a Crusaders players ankle for the ball an easy maistake to
make (If you are John).This will create problems for Thistle as John
is one of the few left footed players at the club.Club officials say
that John will miss several games with the injury and that it will be
a big loss.But hey you can't get anywhere in this world without meeting
a liar somewhere.
New second team manager Paul Dunlop has finally began to crack under
the stress and strain of his new role.Dunlop can now be seen modelling
the receding hairline and grey hair common of all managers.When approached
Dunlop refused to comment but while he walked away he was heard mumbling
about Just For Men.We will keep you in touch with any developments in this
story as time goes on.
Today George Weah snubbed the big money offer of Banbridge
Thistle to stay at AC Milan. Thistle had tabled an
ambitious bid to capture the European Footballer of the
Year but a club spokesman for Milan today confirmed that
Weah was staying with this statement:
"Well we talked things over with George and we have made
it clear to him that Milan want to keep him at all costs.
He has just today signed a new three year contract. We
believe we here at Milan can guarantee George the success
he thrives for".
Thistle however have not given up on the chance to sign the
classy international. A club spokesman today said:
"As far as we are concerned Weah has not knocked us back
yet. We believe that we can guarentee him the Mid Ulster
Fourth Division trophy and some glory days in the cup".
The situation therefore remains unclear with Thistle
remaining hopeful to the end.
Thistle Star Riki McAnearney has today been cautioned by
the club to sort out his act. McAnearney a fan favourite
and an idol to the local kids has been accused of setting
a bad example to the fans. McAnearney who recently commented
in the fanzine that fans should "Stay out of the pink with
ciggies and drink".
Thistles selection commitee are rumoured to have dropped the
star but Riki claims that his departure from the side is
due to shin splints and that in recent weeks he has been
playing through the pain barrier. McAnearney can't however
cover up his lifestyle which is composed solely of Drink,
Fags and Girls. As a rsult the stars reputation has taken
a battering and it will take a lot of convincing for
McAnearney to get the Thistle Faithful back on his side.
John Campbell skipper an influencal player of Banbridge
Thistle F.C. is this week being rumoured to be engaging in
a firey relationship with an unknown woman. As the
situation stands Campbell has refused to comment on the
mystery woman or the alleged relationship. Sources close
to Campbell have however said:
"John has reached the point in his life when he just
wants to settle down. John has indeed met a woman whose
name we won't expose".
Thistle stars this week have read more into the situation Lockhart
was quoted as saying:
"That sneaky gypsy he's on to a good
thing the least he could do was share her about a bit".
Campbell however denies all allegations but his form has
taken a dip an his energy levels have been low lately read
into that what you will.
Banbridge Thistle players recieved an unexpected guest at
training last week when an alien arrived all kitted out and
ready to play.The alien who goes by the name of Lombardo
arrived last Tuesday.Players refused to comment on this
bizarre story but an insider did say:
"As we stepped out on to the pitch there was a strange
bright light this itself would have been strange except
the pitch is floodlit.We were approached by this baldy
thing who slurred his speach but we could just make out
that he wanted to play.We let him play and that was it he's
been here ever since".
If this exclusive proves to be true Thistle will have
become the first football club to actually play an alien.
Well stranger things have happened.
It has been discovered within the last few weeks that
Jim Lockhart influential commitee member and midfielder
of Banbridge Thistle has been suffering from Amnesia.
This seems to have only developed after he met his new
girlfriend and the two are believed to be connected.Lockhart
has been spotted time and time again parking at the wrong
house for hours on end and even going into the wrong house.
Worried friends have told us that he has not been sleeping
in his own bed and they are concerned about him.We will keep
you updated on this story as we get more information.